weblogdog

Not having irl friends is sooo torturous! i am 16 i should be running around being silly and not having to worry about whether or not iwant to END IT! el oh EL . I have one real friend and i only know thm over the internet which totally sucks ive cried about this on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS. because we get on so well and i know iwiill never really be able to meet someone in person that i would want to be friends with more than this person T_T sort of devestating i guess, i am coping though, kind of :P

Also it kind of seems like because i havent really ever had friends that ive been super close with, besides maybe basil but that doesnt count because it lasted...like.... 6 months i think....? i dunno -__- also he sucked so bad i hate him(started rambling here LOL) So its kind of hard for me to understand how to commuicate... It also sometimes feels frustrating because people want me to not filter or mask over this but they also want me to act a certain way at the same time, which kind of just makes me feel like they want me to be someone else i guess? This didnt start bothering me until i typed this out so i dunno ;-;

Being autistic doesnt help with this either, when people say they want you to communicate and then you do it just feels like they get upset or something?? even if i wasnt upset to begin with and it was just a clarification thing i guess, usually when ever i feel like i am being mocked or something

I am sort of learnign that i am super insecure when it comes to what i say, so when people sound like they are mocking or doubting what i say i feel like i take it too personally, i should work on this

TL;DR: I am socially immature and this is likely why i only have one real friend